I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
