I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
