You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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