we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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