Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
