8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
