ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
