Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
