So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
