Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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