Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
