Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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