3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I still have a little drunk in my system
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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