thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My life is pants optional.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
