my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
