How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
