I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
