a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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