Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
