yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
