nutella sex= disaster
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
