the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
