I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I did not marry a roomba.
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