There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
