she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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