The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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