she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hippo gnu deer
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
