My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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