Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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