an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
