Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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