I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
