I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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