You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
