Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
