ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
