I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
