So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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