I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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