i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
