don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
