with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
