My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
