I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
