Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
