u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
