I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
