Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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