You're my little dorito
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
