I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
