Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
