Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
